my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Vodka?
Forever.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
