i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I FOUND THE LEGS
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