Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
