Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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