They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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