The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
