You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
