Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
