What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
