All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i came on her dog
Walk of Shame today included voting.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Damn victory sex feels great
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
