I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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