Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
