Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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