We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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