birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
