I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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