his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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