My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
