You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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