My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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