I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
