I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
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I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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