Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
