I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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