I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Text me some of your sweat
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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