I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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