I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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