Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
