So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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