ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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