I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
