just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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