Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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