ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
