I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
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My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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