So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
