YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
