fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
