Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
