You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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