Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
