You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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