I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
