Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
