Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
