glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
