Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
