can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
