chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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