I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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