she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
