I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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