did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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