Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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