I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
