My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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