I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
