you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
