The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
