Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just found puke in my bra..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
