And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
