I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize