Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
