People in love make me want to vomit
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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