I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Your penis caused this!
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