so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
